The Plan

I watched Definitely, Maybe the other day. It was such a good movie... I really liked it. I recommend you guys stop by your nearest Safeway and find those $1 red rental stations and rent this movie! haha. Those little stations are great because Blockbuster charges $5 for the same movies! But anyway, the movie was really cute.... it's about this guy who tells the stories of his 3 ex-gf's to his daughter because she's curious about how he met her mom (who he's in the middle of a divorce with). One part of the movie that kind of made me think was when the guy's first girlfriend was explaining why she broke up with him. She told him she was afraid of "The Plan" ... which was a plan he made where they would get married, do this, do that, yadda yadda. She told him she was afraid of that plan and everything he aspired to do. And when I heard that I couldn't help but think about.... myself (being the egotistical person I am :P ). But since transfer update forms have been due, I've been worrying lately a lot about "The Plan" God has for me. While I watched that part, I thought... ok, if the girl really loved the guy, she'd trust him and wouldn't be afraid of "The Plan". And then I though... ok, why aren't I doing something similar? ...just not toward my bf. haha.

In my special world where I have 100% faith, I would simply pray that God would lead me and ... "go with the flow". But in my real world where I am altered by my own (selfish) desires and worries and anxiousness, and LACK of faith, I can't help but to ... WORRY. I really really want to go to Berkeley. But at the same time I don't really like the city itself. I means, I don't want to go to UCB because of the name or the rank. I want to go because I don't want to leave my home. I want to be able to go home any weekend I choose to see my mom and dad, and I want to keep going to my home church and keep serving there. I want to stay with my family. Yeah, I know if I go south I'll meet new people and blah blah... but I feel like I just started here, and I want to do more, HERE. If UCSD were in Berkeley, I'd be very, very happy. Or if UCB had a transfer agreement, I'd be very, very happy :(

I guess I'm torn between laying down my own plans and faithfully following "THE PLAN". haha. and.... hoping God will see the desires of my heart and alter "THE PLAN". I know in the end somehow all of that will come together like He's made it come together in the past... but here I am worrying and praying like a fool with no faith. I can't help it.

I want a slurpee.....