Happy Birthday Jesus

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
that He would give His only son
and make a wretch His treasure . . .


How deep the Father's love for us? The first verse of this song says it all: that He would give His only son. I think that's as far as I can go. Truthfully, I don't understand the depth of this. I mean, I know what happened and why it happened... but I don't understand. My own abilities of giving, sacrificing, LOVING... they don't go this far. When it comes to Jesus... I'm pretty much numb. His birth, life, crucifixion, death, resurrection--the whole shebang. I know it, but I don't understand it. I don't feel it.

God... the sacrifice of Your Son shows straight-out the depth of Your love for me. I want to understand it... I want to feel it. I want to feel the depth of Your love and know Your heart that much more. Help me to understand through YOUR knowledge and YOUR understanding. Not my own. I'm limited and narrow minded. Allow me to know that I can come closer to You, and so I can REALLY celebrate this day, and all the other days relating to Your Son. I don't want to do this fake "Merry Christmas" crap anymore. Help me God. Bring me closer.

GOD

You amaze me more and more each day. I love You. Thank You.

Jesus loves me this I know, for His blessings show me so

My Father shows me He loves me. How? Through His grace and through His blessings. I'm talking fruit here... good fruit. Physical gooooood fruit, and of course spiritual fruit. And when these fruit come, I know it's from Him because He's brought me to a point of intimacy with Him that I can recognize when and where He's working. That's His grace. He's blessed me with understanding. None of this comes from my own work--just my own choice. More and more I see how simple and awesome our God is.... all we have to do is choose Him and He does the rest. Choose Him, stick with Him. I can now say with confidence that you won't be disappointed. I could've said that before... but now I can say it with proof in my life to back it up--with experience. And that's what it's all about... experiencing God more and more so that we can know Him more and more. When you know Him, that means you have a relationship with Him. and that's just the beginning!!!!~ SEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!

Winter Retreat

There are two winter retreats coming up. One from December 27-30 and one from January 8-10. I am inviting everyone who has access to my blogger. Don't think I don't know who reads this (ok, i don't really know). But for those I know... YOU are invited. For those I don't know... YOU are invited.

Both these retreats are with different churches, but don't worry about that. We're all one body of Christ. We're all here to support you in getting you where you want to be--closer to your creator, your father, your savior, your real best friend who won't let you down. Closer to that beautiful, pure, honest, and strong love that is UNFAILING. That's our God. That's your God. SEEK!!!! :D

Amazing

THANK YOU GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.... cause you're always working. and you never cease to amaze.... foreal.

Pierced

Make me, take me, break me, I'm pierced.
-Audio Adrenaline

Some old school stuff. I love how God always puts the perfect song into my heart to match my state of being. In this case... Pierced by Audio Adrenaline. I remember listening to audio Adrenaline while driving down to Mexico for mission trip... I think my first one? Mike obba would always be listening to Audio Adrenaline.... I thought Mike obba was so coool :P

I'm actually surprised this song came to mind through all the crap that's in my brain. Good song though, even if it's from the early 90's~ The simple songs speak the most, right?

These past few days have been hard. Hard on my heart and really hard on my head. I can feel God answering my cries for intimacy with Him. And I'm surprised because this is definitely NOT how I expected Him to respond. ...all I can say for now is that my heart is heavy. really heavy. But on the inside I can feel my spirit rejoicing. ... it's a funny feeling. Cause while my head and heart are aching and begging for rest, I can feel a deep peace and joy in my spirit for what's happening, for MORE of what's happening, and what's to come. Good fruit. That's what's to come. Truthfully though, all I want to do is sit here and stare at a wall while God molds me like clay. But I know that won't happen.... I gotta keep moving. Although my flesh is strong, God's spirit and power are stronger. God is stronger. I trust in You, Lord. And I thank You, God, for what You're doing, for hearing my prayer, for responding, and for what's to come. Transformation. Renewal. Healing. Revival. New being. New passion. New relationships. New mission. New life.

Though I am wounded and unworthy
Though I am selfish and untrue
You are holy, You're the healer
You forgave me, made me new... made me new

BREAK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Screw My Brain

My brain is always leading me in the wrong direction... always trying to conquer or manipulate God. Even though I know I'll never understand His ways or His thinking, I always find myself trying to map out His "methods" and use them to my advantage. I try to play God. Or even worse, be my own god. And yet, even though God knows all this, He still responds to my prayers and my rediculousness and shows me that no matter what MY motives are... His motives are always to simply love and look after me. and once again my eyes are opened to see what a chump I really am.....

Closer

Do you not begin to realize that time is needed--much time in fellowship with the Father and the Son, if you would experience the power of God within you?" -Andrew Murray